Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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