am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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