I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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