that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
