Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
