not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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