But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
