dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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