The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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