i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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