We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
how drunk are you?
Several
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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