grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
