I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
