I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
