he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is the high leading the old right now
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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