I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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