Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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