I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
