I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
