my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
