I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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