Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i now understand why vodka
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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