i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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