Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
