I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it hurts more in the daytime
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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