Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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