Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
