just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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