I wanna bring you to show and tell
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
