If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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