god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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