South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
