It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
