I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
