just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
