How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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