Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
