We won't sleep together?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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