"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
