i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
