i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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