"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
