im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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