Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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