i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
