had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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