i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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