I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
