Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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