After last night, I could never be a politician.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
