Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
