He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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