So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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